Sometimes You Have to Fall in Love...Again

Last night my husband walked over to my desk, hugged me, kissed me on the forehead, and then walked away.  I felt some kind of way about it.  Reliving it right now, just to write it down has me smiling in a way I haven’t smiled in quite some time. 

I’ve always loved my husband, but somewhere, in the midst of struggle and strife, I slowly pulled away until the love I felt for him was unromantic and uninvolved.  It was deliberate.  Loving him hurt and I couldn’t stand to be away from someone I felt that strongly for…so I pulled myself out of that love…and I left. 

Reconciliation is a funny thing.  On one hand it’s wonderful and great and on the other hand…it’s scary and confusing.  I left for a reason, right? What if this honeymoon period is a ruse?  What if this doesn’t work out?  What if? What if? What if?

Words I thought I needed to hear from him fell on deaf ears when he finally said them.  Apologies weren’t accepted, gestures were rebuffed, and his sincerity was questioned at every turn.

Was I at a point within my hurt where there was nothing he could do or say to make it right?

But last night…when he hugged me…I felt something. See? There I go smiling again.  I fell in love with him. I felt his love for me in my spirit and my spirit responded by truly softening my heart. There were no questions or rebuttals or what ifs…just what is. 

I love him.  I’m in love with him.  I’m going home.

Ebony Farashuu