Sometimes You Have to Fall in Love...Again
Last night my husband walked over to my desk, hugged me, kissed me on the forehead, and then walked away. I felt some kind of way about it. Reliving it right now, just to write it down has me smiling in a way I haven’t smiled in quite some time.
I’ve always loved my husband, but somewhere, in the midst of struggle and strife, I slowly pulled away until the love I felt for him was unromantic and uninvolved. It was deliberate. Loving him hurt and I couldn’t stand to be away from someone I felt that strongly for…so I pulled myself out of that love…and I left.
Reconciliation is a funny thing. On one hand it’s wonderful and great and on the other hand…it’s scary and confusing. I left for a reason, right? What if this honeymoon period is a ruse? What if this doesn’t work out? What if? What if? What if?
Words I thought I needed to hear from him fell on deaf ears when he finally said them. Apologies weren’t accepted, gestures were rebuffed, and his sincerity was questioned at every turn.
Was I at a point within my hurt where there was nothing he could do or say to make it right?
But last night…when he hugged me…I felt something. See? There I go smiling again. I fell in love with him. I felt his love for me in my spirit and my spirit responded by truly softening my heart. There were no questions or rebuttals or what ifs…just what is.
I love him. I’m in love with him. I’m going home.