The Lord is Picking On Me and I’m telling Jesus!
The other day, at work, I was tasked with observing a training class and taking pictures of the students and instructors. Easy peasy right? WRONG. As you know, it’s LENT and I have decided to give up meat. So tell me why my superiors felt like it was a good idea to cater in grilled chicken and pasta for the students? And if that wasn’t shady enough, I’ve been cutting back on sweets and they had the nerve to put some white chocolate macadamia nut cookies out next to the forbidden meat. So here I am, walking around this class taking pictures while the aroma of chicken and alfredo sauce is basically attacking my olfactory senses.
“Fix yourself a plate,” they said.
“But I gave up meat for Lent,” I said…and honestly…that salad looked wilted and you know how particular I am about my lettuce so….
I grabbed a cookie.
Now look, Jesus. You know I love love LOVE your Daddy…but what happened next has me in my feelings.
I bit into the cookie.
It was delicious, by the way.
Anyway. I bit into this cookie and as I went to swallow that delectable bite…a tiny crumb went down my windpipe.
Picture me, gasping for air and interrupting the class with my choking and coughing. I was so embarrassed, Jesus. All I wanted was a cookie. Here I was trying to respect the promises I made for YOUR special season and your Daddy is all up in my head like, “That cookie ain’t for you, Eb.”
Now don’t get me wrong, Jesus. I appreciate your Father trying to keep me focused and motivated…but I feel like choking me was a little extreme. I mean, yes…he DID tell me not to get the cookie but it sounded more like a suggestion than a direct order. I saw the cookies and he was like, “That’s not a good idea, Eb.” I agreed but there was nothing else to eat and I was hungry.
Ok, I know what you’re thinking, Jesus. You feel like I could have stepped out and gotten a meatless lunch after class and, while that may be true…I get headaches when I wait too long to eat and…you know…I feel like you wouldn’t want to see me in pain.
But still…making me choke on the cookie, Jesus? What part of the game is that?
And in case you’re wondering…I threw the cookie away, but I may or may not have had a tiny portion of the chicken and alfredo pasta. Why am I telling you this? You already know, Jesus. Please forgive me. I haven’t had a bite of meat since that day and I’m actually doing quite well with my 40 day fast. I’m seeing a lot of improvement in the way I feel and I’ve started working out again so my energy is through the roof.
In retrospect, I guess your Daddy did me a solid. Tell him I said, “Thanks”. I mean, I guess I can tell him myself, huh?
Anyway, I’m going to let you get back to what you were doing and I promise to listen the next time your Daddy whispers his wisdom. I’m going to do better so I can be better!