Random Minor Notes

“I’m the random minor note you hear in major songs, and I like that.” – Janelle Monae

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As a young girl, and even a young woman, I hated taking pictures.  I hated smiling, I hated posing, I hated…the way I looked reflected in the lens of someone else’s camera.

I take selfies.  My selfies are all over Facebook and Instagram and, if you haven’t already noticed, every photograph of me on this website is a selfie.  When I take a selfie I control the narrative.  I control the angle.  I control the camera, and the lens sees what I want it to see. 

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Growing up, my parents were constantly telling me how smart and pretty I was.  They seemed to be the only people in my world who saw me that way and it was hard for me to believe them when my peers were saying the complete opposite.

Thank God I outgrew that mindset.

I’m beautiful and it’s not necessarily wrapped up in aesthetics.

It’s a vibe.

I love myself, and loving myself has given me the strength to teach others how to love me.

Believing in myself has taught others to believe in me.

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I’m not wrapped up in what everyone else is doing or pressuring myself to fit into a mold I wasn’t created for.

Do I still have insecurities?  Of course I do.   I could stand to lose a few pounds.  I still have these braces. My hair doesn’t always do what I want it to do, but I look in the mirror now and I see an extremely happy person staring back at me.

There are times when I should probably be crying…but I find myself laughing. Laughing, not because the situation isn’t serious, but laughing because I refuse to let anyone or anything steal my joy.

I’ve learned to say “yes” to myself, and “no” to things that disrupt my dreams or my peace of mind. 

I’ve learned to stop feeling guilty about taking care of myself.

It’s taken me years to get to this place.

I like it here.

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I am the random minor note you hear in major songs.

That song is my life…

And I like that.